Is there someone in your life that is causing you problems? Cutting people out of your life is not an easy thing to do, but sometimes you have no choice.

Unfortunately, there are times when cutting people out of your life is not only a good idea but a necessary one. No matter how long you’ve known someone, or how close your bond is, you can’t tolerate an uneven or even toxic friendship.

Maybe the friendship didn’t even turn sour, but you two just grew apart. You aren’t the same person you were ten years ago. Though you love them, that doesn’t mean that you need to have them in your life. 

Sounds harsh, right? But that’s not the intention. This is about looking at who you are now and the type of people you want to surround yourself with.

If you think that someone is causing you more harm than happiness, you might need to learn how to cut them out of your life. For good.

[Read: 34 signs to know how and when to end a friendship that’s toxic and hurting you]

Reasons we struggle to cut ties

It’s never easy to break up with a romantic partner, and it’s certainly not easy to “break up” with a friend or family member either. Most people struggle with doing it, and here’s why. [Read: Toxic people – 48 warning signs and the best ways to deal with them]

1. We don’t see their behavior as abusive

If you grew up in a family that was emotionally, mentally, and/or physically abusive, then you might not have a clear vision of what healthy behavior actually is. That’s because all the toxic abuse you witnessed growing up was “normal” to you.

Even if you didn’t grow up in an abusive family, many people have witnessed unhealthy behavior in relationships. And because of this feeling of normalcy, they don’t think that other people’s bad behavior is actually that bad.

Unless we have a model for what a healthy relationship looks like, most people will tolerate toxic behavior simply because they are used to it. [Read: Verbally abusive relationship – 31 signs, do’s and don’ts, and ways to get out ASAP]

2. Guilt

Guilt is a big component behind why some struggle to cut people out of their lives. For example, let’s say one of your parents or a sibling is a drug addict. 

They have lied, cheated, and betrayed you. You hate their behavior, but they’re still a part of your family. So, you feel guilty for turning your back on them. [Read: Guilt complex – what it is, why we feel it, and the signs and ways to get over it]

That’s because you are having a struggle with your heart and your head. Your heart wants to keep this person in your life and help them because you love them. But your head is telling you that it’s not healthy for you and that you should cut them out of your life.

Guilt is powerful, and so it has a hold on people. That’s why it’s very difficult to move past it and do what you know is right.

3. Family loyalty

Not everyone is easy to cut out of your life. If it’s a friend or even a coworker, it’s easier to walk away from a toxic relationship. But if it’s a family member, then that’s an entirely different story. [Read: Family oriented – the meaning and what it means to be this person]

As we mentioned in the previous example of feeling guilt, walking away from a family member is extremely difficult for some people. Maybe other family members are calling you selfish for trying to cut the person out of your life.

In many families, loyalty is everything. So, if other family members perceive you in a negative light for cutting out this person, then you might not do it in order to save your own reputation. 

4. Fear

Maybe the person you want to cut out of your life is abusive and dangerous. This happens a lot in abusive relationships. The abuser holds a lot of power over their victims in a lot of different ways. [Read: How to be fearless – 18 ways to set aside fear and live like a champion]

The power could be in the form of physical harm to the victim or threats of suicide from the abuser. Or it could be financial power where the victim doesn’t have any control over their own money, and therefore, they fear leaving because they don’t have the money to do so.

Fear is a very powerful motivator. And while people might know that they should cut someone out of their life, if they live in fear of the consequences of doing it, then it might not ever happen—even though it should.

5. Love

On the opposite side of the spectrum from fear is love. You can love someone but also fear them. Or you can love them and know they’re not good for you, but you can’t imagine your life without them. [Read: Selfless love – 18 traits that set it apart from selfish love]

While you might love this person, if you think that you should cut them out of your life, then it isn’t a healthy kind of love. When you have a healthy relationship with someone you love, it doesn’t enter your mind that you should cut them out of your life.

So, if you can’t walk away from this person you love even though you know you should, you should ask yourself why. Is this really love? You should really re-think this if you know this person is toxic.

When should you cut someone out of your life?

Now that you know that it’s difficult to cut someone out of your life and the reasons why, let’s talk about when you really need to. [Read: 46 secrets to deal with a narcissist, break them, and handle their petty games]

1. When you don’t feel happy around them

Life is to be enjoyed. So, if you’ve gotten to the point that when you’re around this person, you’re not happy anymore, then you should really think about cutting ties with them.

Maybe they’re constantly negative, criticize and judge you, or simply just an energy vampire that sucks the life out of you. Regardless, if you’re not happy, then it’s time to walk away so you can find peace in your life again. [Read: How to deal with negative people and stop them from sapping your energy]

2. They are surrounded by negativity

It’s virtually impossible to be happy if someone is spewing negativity all the time. Whether it’s the person who is consumed with negativity or it’s the people around them *such as you*, the negativity is something that will drag you down.

So, if this person is doing nothing but whining, moaning, and complaining, it’s time to cut them out of your life. You don’t need that. Do you really want to spend more time in their bubble of low vibes?

They might not even know they are doing that, but regardless, they’re still affecting your life in a negative way. Time to lose them. [Read: Negative Nancy – what makes one, 18 traits, and ways to deal with their attitude]

3. They take everything they can

Relationships should be a two-way street. They need to be a balance of giving and taking. And so, if you’re always the giver and they are always the taker, that is not a healthy relationship. [Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]

Taking comes in many forms too. It could be that you give gifts or do acts of service for them. Or it could be that you just let them unload all their problems on you but they don’t return the favor.

You need to stop being taken advantage of. Sure, it’s great to do nice things for people. But when it’s such a lopsided relationship, you become a people-pleaser and a doormat. That’s when it’s time to cut ties with them. [Read: 19 signs of a taker in a relationship – are you a giver or a taker?]

4. When trust is broken

Trust is the very foundation of any healthy relationship. Just like a house would fall down without a solid foundation, a friendship will fall apart without trust.

Imagine if you tried to build a house on a foundation of quicksand. It wouldn’t last at all. In fact, it would be impossible to build. The same is true when there is no trust, you just don’t have the foundation to build anything else on.

It doesn’t matter how the trust was broken. It could be from lying, backstabbing, or some other betrayal. [Read: 20 signs you can’t trust the guy you’re dating and he’s up to no good]

Trust is difficult to build and takes time. But it can be destroyed in an instant. And sometimes it can never be rebuilt.

5. When you feel like they want to drag you down

There is an old saying that goes, “if your head is above the crowd, someone will always want to chop your head down.” In other words, if someone thinks you are better than they are, they will want to drag you down to their level.

If you are successful and proud of your accomplishments, you should be! Don’t let anyone tear you down or belittle all the good things you’ve done in your life. [Read: What is an energy vampire? 19 signs to spot them in your life ASAP]

Even if they’re not trying to drag you down that way, they might try to drag your emotions down. If they are miserable and think that you are too happy, they might try to sabotage your happiness so that you will feel just as bad as they do. 

6. They try to force you to do dangerous things

Some people are more natural risk-takers than others. They might go bungee jumping or skydiving and not think anything of it. But that doesn’t mean those things aren’t dangerous.

However, we’re not really talking about extreme sports here. Sure, we could include that. But we’re really talking about things such as doing drugs or anything else that is harmful to yourself or even other people. [Read: Malignant narcissist – 48 scary traits, causes, and what makes them so bad]

Another person should never force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter how small or how dangerous. Even if you don’t want to try new food, it is your choice not to. 

So, if someone is forcing you to do things that you don’t want to do, you might want to think about cutting them out of your life.

7. They harm your family or loved ones

There are a lot of things that would qualify as red flags in relationships. [Read: 42 red flags and signs it’s time to end your relationship and move on for good]

However, what is a red flag to one person might not be a red flag to another. For example, someone who smokes might be a red flag to a non-smoker, but not to a smoker.

But one thing that should be an absolute deal-breaker for everyone is if there is harm involved. There are a lot of different types of harm too. Of course, there is physical harm in which someone hits, beats up, or threatens to do so.

Then there is also mental and emotional harm. Actions such as name-calling, belittling, criticizing, threatening and any other similar actions should never be tolerated. [Read: Emotional abuse – what it is and 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]

It’s bad enough if they are doing it to you. But if it extends beyond your friendship and to your family and loved ones, then you should run… fast.

8. They encourage your addictions and vices

The people you surround yourself with should always have your best interests in mind. They should help encourage you to be the best version of yourself. And you should do the same for them.

But if this person is either getting you addicted to something you shouldn’t or encouraging otherwise self-destructive behavior, that is someone that you should definitely cut out of your life. [Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurt you]

It’s difficult to do this, especially if you don’t have the strength to say no or to stop doing what you aren’t supposed to be doing. But this person is enabling you to engage in unhealthy behaviors, so you need to distance yourself from them ASAP.

9. This person doesn’t respect your boundaries

Everyone needs to have personal boundaries. Not only personal boundaries, but you should also have boundaries for every relationship you’re in too. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]

So, let’s say that you are riding on a jet ski with them, and they are the driver. They are going way too fast and it’s scaring you. Despite the fact that you asked them to slow down, they don’t. As a result, you fly off the jet ski and seriously injure yourself. 

Now, this is just one example. In this case, the driver disregarded the other person’s wishes and fears. This is unacceptable. 

It doesn’t matter what it is. They need to respect every boundary you have—no questions asked. [Read: How to set boundaries with a narcissist and weaken their hold over you]

Cutting people out of your life: The tips to do it the right way

Sometimes it is best just to give up and let someone go than to try to hold something together that simply doesn’t fit. Although we’re not generally a big fan of ghosting, there is some relief to it that is undeniably awesome.

If you cut someone out of your life, the key thing is to make it a smooth and amicable thing. Sure, ghosting has its benefits, but they aren’t always positive. 

To make sure you leave with a good conscience and no regrets, these are the best things to do when you finally say enough is enough. [Read: Breaking up with a narcissist – 28 must-knows, what to expect, and how to do it]

1. Every friendship is different 

Sometimes, it’s hard cutting people out of your life that you’ve known for years and years. However, it’s also important to know that every friendship is different. 

Just because this person was your best friend ten years ago, doesn’t mean this person should be your best friend now. Every friendship has its own definition and takes its own course through life. [Read: Losing a friend – 30 ways to face the pain of best friends drifting away]

2. Think about it

If you just had a fight with your friend, naturally, there are a lot of thoughts going through your head. But this doesn’t mean you should jump the gun and start cutting people out of your life just like that. [Read: 47 hurtful signs and effects of being the daughter of a narcissistic mother]

Take a day or two to calm down and think about what happened. 

If you really want to know when the right time to call it quits on any kind of relationship is, you need to first remember that this isn’t something that you can easily take back as it will change the relationship forever.

3. Leave on good terms

If you want to feel good about cutting people out of your life, the best way to do is it to leave on good terms. [Read: 25 ways to let go of resentment, stop feeling bitter, and start living]

Even if you cut them out because you can’t get along, do so when things are calm and not in the heat of battle. And even if you know that you are going to say goodbye to someone, make peace with whatever issue you have with them that was the final straw.

If you leave with unresolved feelings or feel bad about just dropping the ball, it rests on your shoulders, which is more baggage than you need to carry.

4. Don’t involve other people

If a friend betrayed you or hurt you in some way, you may feel like unfriending them, which is completely fine, it’s your decision. 

But if you cut someone out of your life, don’t involve other people or make them take sides. [Read: Attention-seeking behavior – why some people go looking for drama]

If you can’t be friends or lovers with someone anymore, that doesn’t mean that it is fair for you to put others in the middle. The problem rests in your immediate relationship, not the peripheral.

You don’t want to come out of this breakup alone, nor do you want them to either. If you keep it between the two of you, then it stays there. What you do guides how the chips and the friends fall after the breakup.

So, do not get your other friends involved and have them do your dirty work. This isn’t about other people, this is about you and your friend. Leave other people out of it. [Read: How to recognize emotionally unstable people for less drama in life]

5. Don’t talk about what happened, just let it go

Instead of rehashing the situation a thousand times or justifying yourself, just let it go. You don’t have to tell anyone what happened or your side of the story.

Their presence was not a positive or good one in your life—case closed. It isn’t going to make things better to dwell on it or try to tell everyone your side of the story. 

No one should care but the two people involved: you and them. So, keep your explanations to yourself—it doesn’t matter, it is over. [Read: Letting go of people – why it’s so hard, 29 signs you must, and steps to do it]

6. Or talk to them about it if you think it’s best

The thought of talking to them about this probably makes you feel uncomfortable. But this person was once a good friend of yours, so they deserve some respect. 

You need to sit them down and talk to them about this as openly and honestly as possible. Don’t be unnecessarily rude though as this will probably hurt them.

7. Forgive them, forgive yourself

Sometimes we stay in a relationship or maintain friendships with people who aren’t good for us because either we feel some obligation to follow through with the relationship, or we feel guilty for not being able to save it. [Read: How to forgive someone who hurt you and release the negativity inside]

Whatever the reason, say goodbye and cut them loose. It doesn’t help to hold onto the burden of moving on or to be angry with them for whatever led you to end the relationship.

Sometimes it is just as important to forgive yourself for not being able to hold a relationship together than to forgive the person who wasn’t good for you.

8. Block them

If you cut someone out, cut them out. The only way to make a clean break is to block them from your world. [Read: Should I block my ex? 17 signs to help you decide what’s best for you]

That doesn’t mean that you forever deny their existence. It just means that while you make your clean break, find a way to stand on your own and not worry about the fallout.

Worry about yourself. Just completely block them from making you feel bad by texting, begging, or seeing their social media, and either regretting that they have moved on, or even worse, hearing what they are saying. 

Just block them all together and focus on moving forward and healing. [Read: Power trip – is the psychology of blocking someone about your ego?]

9. Be rational, and, if possible, explain why you have to say adios

Ghosting seems like an excellent way to just cut someone cold turkey, but it doesn’t give anyone closure. Sure, sometimes closure is overrated. 

Then again, if you explain your feelings and allow them to ask questions and give their two cents, then you never worry that you didn’t make things clear or give them a chance to explain.

Ghosting people stays in your conscience. Someday you might feel bad that you didn’t at a minimum give them a chance to gain closure, apologize, or tell them why you did what you did. [Read: Ghosting a friend – the only reasons when it’s okay to ghost them]

It isn’t really fair just to cut someone from your life without letting them know why unless they harm you and the reason is pretty obvious.

10. Don’t give in or second guess

If you are at the point where you ask yourself how to cut someone out of your life, then it got bad enough that the relationship is doing you no favors. 

Don’t make the mistake of finally doing something to protect yourself and make your life better only to let guilt creep in. It takes over and you consider taking them back. [Read: Guilty conscience – what it is and 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]

If you know in your heart that right now is the time to cut them, then that isn’t going to change by giving them another chance. Chances are good you already gave them a hundred, spoken or not.

11. Be prepared for anger

No one likes to be cut out of someone’s life. If you end the relationship, then there is a good chance they might retaliate with anger. Don’t feed into it or allow it.

It is okay for them to be upset, just remember it was your perpetual state of upset that led you to say enough and separate yourself from them. [Read: How to release anger – 20 ways to focus on the positives in life]

Have things ready and separate before you finally say adieu. That way the bags are packed, and you’re ready to go if things get ugly.

12. Don’t slowly cut them off

This is the typical way in which people unfriend someone and cut them from their life. They slowly stop hanging out with them and talking to them. Basically, until that person becomes a stranger. [Read: Ignoring your texts on purpose – why people do it and what to do about it]

However, there are many friendships that remain strong even if it lacks frequent communication. What if this person thinks that you two are genuine friends? 

See? There’s a flaw in this plan.

13. Yes, you can do it online

Sometimes you can’t meet up with the person face to face. If you’re living in another state, talking to them online is fine. It’ll be less uncomfortable for you to speak your mind, and they’ll also have time to process what you wrote them.

But if you have the opportunity to call it quits in person, we’d always recommend going down that route. It’s harder, sure, but it gives the other person the final respect they deserve.

14. Make sure your other friends are aware of what’s happening

If you may have mutual friends or family members, they should know that you two are no longer in contact. [Read: Friendship breakup – why it hurts when friends leave and 18 truths to get over it]

This way, they’ll be able to avoid having you two in the same room, at least in the beginning, so that your *former* friend and you can have the proper space needed away from each other.

Don’t gossip about them, simply tell your friends that you two are no longer friends.

15. Disengage from social media

If you have them on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, remove them. If you don’t want to delete them, that’s fine. But, if you can unfollow them, do it. [Read: Social media detox – ways to wean yourself off social media]

Don’t engage in any conversations over social media, don’t like their photos or comments. This will only lead them to think that you two can be friends again.

16. Be unavailable

If you don’t want to talk to them about the friendship, that’s okay. Instead, you need to become obviously unavailable. When they ask you to hang out, decline the invitation politely. 

You don’t want to occasionally hang out with them—that’s just leading them on. [Read: How to say no – 15 ways to reason politely, stop pleasing, and feel kickass]

Instead, stop hanging out with them altogether. If they question you as to what’s going on, then tell them that you think the relationship should come to an end.

17. Don’t wait too long

You should take time to think about your relationship, but, don’t let these feelings harbor inside of you. If you wait too long, you’ll start to feel resentment and anger towards this person, and they don’t deserve that. 

You need to make the choice of whether or not you want them in your life and once that choice is made, make a move. If not, you’ll just drag them along. [Read: Psychopath vs. sociopath vs. narcissist – 27 subtle ways to tell the difference]

18. Don’t back out

There will be some cases where a friend or family member wronged you. Of course, you were hurt and don’t want that person to be in your life anymore. However, they may genuinely be sorry and very emotional when speaking to you. 

You’re going to feel bad, and at that moment, you may think about continuing the friendship. But don’t do it. Don’t give in. You wanted to end the friendship, so end it.

19. At the end, always be honest

Cutting people out of your life isn’t easy, but the best way to do it is to be honest with them. Yes, you can slowly ghost them or ignore their phone calls, but that isn’t a nice thing to do.

And if you were once their friend, you should treat them with respect. Plus, it allows them to see the flaws in the friendship as well.

20. Surround yourself with healthy relationships

After you cut out negative and toxic people in your life, then you have to replace them. If you don’t, there will be a void in your life and you might be tempted to go back to them just because they are familiar to you.

But if you do that, it’s almost like an addict going back to their drug of choice. [Read: 26 whys and ways to surround yourself with positive people and remodel your life]

A drug addict would have to stay away from all the other drug addicts in order to stay clean, or they might be tempted to use again.

So, you need to only hang out with positive people who are good for you. If you don’t have a lot of people in your life like that, then you need to meet some. Join groups and find some positive people to become friends with.

21. Remember the sun shines again

It is never easy to end a relationship, whether it is a sexual one or a close friendship. It sometimes feels much easier to play along and hope that things get better than to cut it off and deal with the aftermath.

As hard as it is cutting people out of your life, staying in a relationship that makes you miserable is harder. 

[Read: Toxic friends – 22 types, 54 signs, and ways to end friendships that hurt you]

If you want things to go as smoothly as possible when cutting people out of your life, wait for the right and reasonable time, commit to ending it, and take real and lasting steps to make sure that when they are gone, they are gone for good. 

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