Friendship should be cherished. But, not all friendships are created equally. If you’re in a one-sided friendship, it’s time to do something about it. 

You’re in the ‘Friendship Canoe,’ with the paddle firmly in your grasp. The gentle waters of ‘Lake Connection’ stretch out before you. But as you plunge your paddle into the water, pushing against the steady current, you notice your supposed canoe partner is idly sitting back, sipping a lemonade, unconcerned about the direction or progress of the journey. A creeping realization washes over you – it’s a one-sided friendship, where one hand is doing all the rowing, and the other is barely holding on.

[Read: 22 signs your best friends isn’t your friend anymore and why you’ve drifted]

Hang On, What is a One-Sided Friendship?

A one-sided friendship, also known as an imbalanced friendship, is a relationship where the effort and interest are heavily skewed towards one individual. This imbalance often means that one person is more invested in maintaining the friendship, providing support, and initiating contact.

From a psychological perspective, we could refer to this as an imbalance in the ‘Social Exchange Theory.’ According to this theory, all human relationships are formed by the use of a subjective cost-benefit analysis and the comparison of alternatives.

In a balanced friendship, the mutual benefits outweigh the costs for both individuals, leading to a satisfying and healthy relationship.

However, in a one-sided friendship, one person feels that they are putting in more effort *i.e., incurring more ‘cost’* than they are receiving benefits. [Read: Toxic friends – 22 types, 54 signs and ways to end friendships that hurt you]

This person is constantly making sacrifices, offering support, and investing time and energy into the relationship without receiving the same level of reciprocation.

Research on friendship reciprocity, such as the study by Oswald, Clark, and Kelly, indicates that reciprocal friendships are associated with greater satisfaction and less stress, underscoring the negative impact of one-sided friendships on individual well-being.

So, a one-sided friendship, while a common phenomenon, can have significant implications for personal well-being, emotional health, and overall happiness.

The Main Causes of One-Sided Friendships

Often when we’re stuck in the stormy seas of one-sided friendships, we might wonder, “How on earth did I get here?” Well, just like how every river has a source, every friendship – even the lopsided ones – has its roots in certain causes.

First off, we have individual differences. You know how each of us is like a unique snowflake, with our own intricate patterns? Our personal traits can often steer the course of our friendships.

For instance, those with lower self-esteem might find themselves giving more in a friendship in an attempt to secure the other person’s affection. [Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

Picture this as wearing a heavy backpack while rowing that ‘Friendship Canoe’ – it’s extra weight that can unbalance the canoe, making your journey more challenging.

Similarly, people with high levels of insecurity might invest more into their friendships, thinking, “If I do more for them, they’ll surely stick around, right?” It’s like rowing faster and harder in that canoe, hoping the other person won’t jump ship. But sadly, all that extra rowing only tips the balance further.

And let’s not forget the ‘Approval Motive.’ If someone has a high need for approval, they might go to great lengths to keep a friend happy, often at their own expense.

It’s the equivalent of voluntarily taking on the role of the ‘chief rower’ in the canoe, letting the other person sit back and enjoy the ride.

Next up, we have contextual and environmental factors. Sometimes, shared circumstances like being co-workers, classmates, or flatmates can unintentionally foster one-sided friendships.

It’s akin to being stuck in the same canoe *that we keep on mentioning* due to circumstances, even if the other person doesn’t contribute equally to the rowing. The shared environment creates a bond, but without a balanced contribution, the friendship could sail into one-sided territory.

So, whether it’s our personal traits or our surroundings, various factors can lead us into the uncharted waters of one-sided friendships. But awareness is the first step towards change. [Read: Am I clingy? 23 habits of a stage 5 clinger and how to stop being one]

The Subtle Signs of a One-Sided Friendship Most of Us Overlook

Knowing what to look for can be your compass, helping navigate toward healthier, more balanced relationships.

1. Your ‘Emotional Bank Account’ Is Always in the Red

Picture your friendship as a financial account where acts of kindness and support are deposits, and letdowns or ignored messages are withdrawals.

If you’re constantly depositing and your friend keeps withdrawing, leaving the account perpetually in the red, it’s a strong sign you’re in a one-sided friendship. [Read: How to tell if someone is using you – 22 signs a user just can’t hide]

2. You’ve Become the ‘Initiation Station’

If you’re always the one sending the first text, planning all the hangouts, or being the first to reconcile after a disagreement, you’ve unintentionally become the ‘Initiation Station’ in your friendship.

A mutual friendship involves shared effort to initiate and maintain contact.

3. There’s a Clear ‘Benefit Imbalance’

A healthy friendship has a balanced distribution of benefits, from shared advice and support to enjoyable shared experiences.

If you find one person reaping all the benefits while the other seems to be stuck on the sidelines, you’ve stumbled onto the telltale sign of a one-sided friendship.

4. They’re a No-show for Your Needs

You’ve dropped everything for them at the drop of a hat. But when you’re the one in need, they’re suddenly as elusive as a rainbow-colored unicorn.

You know you’re in a one-sided friendship if your friend tends to be MIA when you need support. [Read: Flaky friend – What it means, 30 reasons why they flake and signs you need to ditch them]

5. The Conversation is Always About Them

So, when you get together for a catch-up, does it feel more like you’ve landed a front-row seat at a one-man show, featuring the riveting tale of their life.

Remember, a harmonious friendship is like a beautiful duet, not a solo performance. It should be a balanced exchange of stories, laughter, and sometimes tears from both parties.

If you’re finding yourself constantly in the audience while your friend is perpetually on stage, well, you might just be in the grips of a one-sided friendship.

6. They Don’t Celebrate Your Successes

Friends are the cheerleaders in our lives. But if your friend reacts to your successes with indifference, jealousy, or by quickly changing the topic, it’s a warning sign.

One-sided friends often don’t want the spotlight to shift from them. [Read: 24 truthful signs your friend doesn’t care about you or even respect you]

7. You Feel Emotionally Drained

Friendships should leave you energized, not exhausted. If you often feel drained after interacting with this friend, your subconscious might be trying to tell you something.

Constantly giving without receiving can take a toll on your emotional well-being.

8. The ‘Just in Case’ Friend

If you find that your friend only dials your number when their primary plans crash and burn, or they need an extra hand, it’s like you’re the spare tire in the trunk of their friendship car.

Sure, a spare tire can save the day in a pinch, but no one wants to feel like they’re only valuable when there’s an emergency.

A true friendship is like a well-planned road trip – both friends are equally excited about the journey, value each other’s company, and share the responsibility of navigating the route.

In contrast, in a one-sided friendship, you’re less a co-navigator and more a roadside assistance service, called upon only in case of a ‘breakdown.’ [Read: Fake friends – 42 signs and ways to tell them apart from real friends]

9. The Apology Allergy

In any relationship, stumbles and mishaps are inevitable. Apologizing when we’re in the wrong is like the smooth asphalt that fills those potholes, making the ride smoother and preserving the vehicle – or in this case, the friendship.

If your friend seems to have a severe allergy to the word ‘sorry’ or finds it hard to accept their mistakes, it’s like they’re driving their friendship car without ever addressing the potholes.

When someone refuses to acknowledge their mistakes or apologize, it’s like they’re not invested enough to maintain the friendship’s smooth journey. A one-sided friendship often features this pattern where one person is always doing the ‘repairs’ while the other ignores the bumps and jolts. [Read: Why do people ignore me? 29 truths and ways to cope with this]

10. You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells

A good friendship allows you to be your true, authentic self. If you constantly worry about saying the wrong thing or stepping on your friend’s toes, it’s a sign that the friendship isn’t balanced.

11. Your Accomplishments are Downplayed

If your friend regularly downplays your accomplishments or uses them as a platform to talk about their own, it’s a sign of a one-sided friendship. In a balanced friendship, both parties should celebrate each other’s wins with genuine happiness.

12. Limited Shared Experiences

When most of your shared activities revolve around their hobbies or timetable, and your own preferences are brushed aside like crumbs on a dinner table, it’s as if you’re not an equal participant in your own friendship.

In a balanced friendship, it’s more like a seesaw at the playground – both parties have a fair and equal influence, with mutual interests and shared experiences adding to the fun.

If your friend has their thumb on the scale most of the time, it might signal that the friendship is one-sided. [Read: Sense of self – What it is, 36 signs and tips to raise it and feel great again]

13. They’re Consistently Unreliable

Experiencing frequent last-minute cancellations or episodes of your friend not showing up as promised could be a clear indication of a one-sided friendship. It’s as though your time and feelings are not as important to them

A key aspect of any robust friendship is dependability – the certainty that both individuals can rely on each other, not just in times of crisis but also in everyday life. If one person is consistently dependable and the other is not, this unbalanced dynamic can cause strain and lead to a feeling of a one-sided friendship. [Read: Fickle friends – How to recognize them and 23 signs they’re hurting you big time!]

14. You’re Their Emotional Dumping Ground

Friends should be there for each other during tough times, but it’s not healthy if you’re always the one offering a shoulder to cry on and they aren’t there for you when you need them.

If it feels like you’re their emotional dumpster, it’s a sign of a one-sided friendship.

15. Lack of Appreciation or Gratitude

If your friend rarely or never expresses appreciation for your help or the things you do for them, it might be an indication of a one-sided friendship.

Mutual gratitude is an integral part of any healthy, balanced friendship. It’s about acknowledging the value each person brings into the relationship.

When one person continually gives and the other takes without recognizing or appreciating these efforts, the scales of friendship tip.

This imbalance may make the giving friend feel unvalued and suggest that the friendship is one-sided.

The Overlooked Effects of One-Sided Friendships and How It Can Hurt You

Now that we’ve identified the signs of a one-sided friendship, it’s important to understand its effects. Like ripples on a pond, these friendships can have far-reaching impacts that extend beyond mere disappointment.

We’re not just talking about feeling left out – one-sided friendships can have real, tangible effects on your well-being. So let’s look at some of the common impacts these friendships can have on your life.

1. Denting Self-Esteem

Continual neglect or disregard in a one-sided friendship can make a person question their worth. This could lead to a dent in self-esteem and self-confidence, impacting how they perceive themselves and interact with others. [Read: Self-concept – How we create and develop it to control our happiness]

2. Breeding Loneliness

Despite the company, being in a one-sided friendship can feel isolating. The constant effort to engage with someone who doesn’t reciprocate can amplify feelings of loneliness and create a sense of emotional isolation.

3. Fueling Guilt and Resentment

It’s common to feel guilt for harboring negative emotions about a friend, or resentment because of the perceived imbalance in the relationship.

These feelings can add emotional stress and cause strain in your interactions. [Read: 19 signs of resentment in a relationship that hurts both of you and how to fix it and heal]

4. Impacting Mental Health

The emotional toll from feeling undervalued can exacerbate stress and lead to mental health issues like anxiety or depression.

It’s essential to recognize this early and take steps to protect your mental well-being.

5. Draining Emotional Energy

One-sided friendships can be emotionally draining. The ongoing effort to maintain the connection, win their approval, or simply keep them happy can leave you emotionally exhausted, impacting your overall quality of life.

6. Cultivating Self-Doubt

Being in a one-sided friendship can make you question your ability to maintain healthy relationships. This self-doubt can spill over into other areas of life, hampering decision-making and self-assurance. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs and 51 ways to deal with insecurity and fix it]

7. Causing Physical Stress

The emotional strain and stress of a one-sided friendship can manifest physically.

This could mean disrupted sleep patterns, frequent headaches, or even a weakened immune system as your body responds to chronic stress.

8. Leading to Trust Issues

If you’ve experienced a one-sided friendship, it can make you wary about future relationships. You may develop trust issues, affecting your ability to form deep and meaningful connections later on.

9. Influencing Social Perception

According to the ‘Social Comparison Theory,’ you might find yourself feeling inadequate when comparing your one-sided friendship to others’ balanced relationships. This could impact your social perception and sense of belonging.

10. Hindering Personal Growth

When a substantial portion of your emotional energy is devoted to an imbalanced friendship, it leaves less energy for personal growth and self-improvement.

By draining your resources, one-sided friendships can hinder your ability to flourish personally.

How to Handle a One-Sided Friendship without Hurting Yourself

While one-sided friendships can be challenging, they’re also an opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness. Handling them effectively can pave the way for healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future.

1. Embrace Open Communication

It’s time to channel the spirit of ‘Assertive Communication.’ Expressing your feelings is essential in any relationship, and it’s even more critical when you’re feeling neglected.

Start with ‘I’ statements like “I feel overlooked when…” to clearly and respectfully communicate your concerns. By doing so, you’re opening up a dialogue without blaming or offending your friend.

2. Practice Self-Care

When we’re so invested in taking care of others, we often forget to look after ourselves. Make time for activities that rejuvenate you.

It could be a quiet walk, reading a book, or a well-deserved bubble bath. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish, it’s survival. [Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and be your best self]

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Cue the ‘Personal Space Theory.’ Boundaries are essential in maintaining balanced relationships. Whether it’s how often you’re available or how much emotional support you can offer, be clear about your boundaries.

If your friend respects these limits, it shows their willingness to contribute to the friendship. [Read: 25 types, tips and ways to set personal boundaries with friends without insulting them]

4. Evaluate the Friendship

Take a step back and evaluate the relationship objectively. Are there more good times than bad? Do they make efforts when you voice out your concerns?

This can help you decide whether the friendship is worth holding on to or if it’s causing more harm than good.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Say Goodbye

Parting ways with a friend is never easy and could involve a fair bit of ‘Interpersonal Loss.’ However, it’s crucial to remember that it’s healthier to end a toxic friendship than to hold on to it. The space you create by letting go can be filled with more balanced and rewarding relationships. [Read: 34 signs and ways to know how and when to end a friendship that’s toxic and hurting you]

6. Seek Professional Help

If a one-sided friendship is causing significant stress or affecting your mental health, it might be helpful to consult a mental health professional. They can provide valuable tools to handle the situation and navigate your feelings.

You Deserve Better Friends!

Always remember this: You are an absolute treasure, worthy of a friendship that feels like an equal exchange, not a charity drive. Friends should lift each other up, share the load, and sail through life’s challenges together.

In the grand game of friendship, think of it this way: It’s more like a cooperative video game, less like a single-player trying to beat their high score on a vintage arcade machine.

[Read: 27 fun ways to make new friends and mistakes you MUST avoid!]

You want that sense of camaraderie and mutual respect, not the sensation of endlessly pumping coins into a machine that never quite gives back what you put in. After all, isn’t that what a one-sided friendship feels like?

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