Your wedding night is bound to be special, but you don’t want to ruin it with high expectations. Here’s how to make it one to remember, with or without sex.

Your wedding night sex is a ritual dance that has so much hype and anticipation surrounding it, so it’s hard to know if you’re doing it right. The truth is that wedding night sex doesn’t always turn out the way you thought it would, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be special.

In fact, you may not even have wedding night sex despite anticipating it in the days before your big night. And that’s normal, believe it or not!

You don’t have to make wedding night sex perfect, you just have to make it your own. If you’re wondering what to expect from your wedding night, we’ve got you covered. [Read: Wedding fever – what it is & 25 signs you can’t stop thinking about it]

Do you have to have sex on your wedding night?

Lingerie brand Bluebella surveyed 1,000 couples, asking how many actually had sex on their wedding night. An astonishing 52% of people said they didn’t have sex on their wedding night, over half of the people they surveyed!

According to their findings, women commonly reported they were too tired to have sex by the time it came down to it. Men, on the other hand, most often said that they were too drunk to feel *up* for it.

For most of the couples *specifically, a third*, sex didn’t happen until the morning after, and one-tenth of the couples didn’t get to the deed until two days after their wedding. 84% of these couples did claim that when they eventually had their post-wedding sex, it lived up to their expectations.

The truth is, your wedding night is going to be exactly what you make of it. It could be super sensual, or you could spend it praising the porcelain god because you partied too much.

Whether you’re the type to have wedding night sex or not, it’s important you stick to your boundaries and do what makes you comfortable.

What to expect from wedding night sex

There is a lot of emphasis on wedding night sex. We’re all told it will be the most romantic, chemistry-filled, fairytale-like sex we’ll ever have. But in reality, this expectation kills the experience before it even happens.

The expectation to have the best sex ever on your wedding night takes your mind away from the present moment, which makes it a huge subconscious turn-off. [Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]

Yes, you should expect your wedding night sex to be an amazing, intimate experience with your partner. But ditch the expectations that movies give you!

You should expect to be realistic on your wedding night, especially when it comes to the sex that follows. Because while weddings are a fun and special event, they are also incredibly exhausting, both emotionally and physically.

Dancing all night, imbibing alcohol, feasting to your hearts’ delight, and not to mention the seemingly endless social pleasantries you must exchange as the new Mr. and Mrs. can be draining.

This doesn’t mean you won’t have sex on your wedding night. However, if you’re hoping your wedding sex will be the epitome of romantic, candle-lit lovemaking, you may have another thing coming. [Read: True sex talk – alcohol’s effects on sex and your libido]

If you’re a virgin before your wedding night

If you’re a virgin on your wedding night, then you’ve probably heard some pretty ridiculous things about how it’s going to go down.

Men are told they’ll only last a few seconds *this might be true*, and women are told they’ll gush blood and feel no pleasure. [Read: Sex for the first time – 37 must-knows and secrets about losing your virginity]

If you’re a virgin, don’t expect a mind-blowing orgasm. But, don’t count it out either! These might be the general rumors, but they don’t have to be the truth. Here are some things you can do to prepare for the big night.

1. Do your research

If you don’t know much about sex already, doing research can really help you both mentally and physically prepare.

Learn about your own anatomy, key parts of your partner’s body that feel good, and what might go down on the big night.

Although your research won’t fully be the same as your experience, it’s still important that you identify the rumors about sex and overwrite any feelings of fear or confusion going into wedding night sex. [Read: Sex for the first time – 37 must-knows and secrets about losing your virginity]

2. Get to know your body

This is a huge tip if you’re wanting to feel more comfortable before losing your virginity. Masturbation is really the only way to get to truly know your body, what feels good to you, and what doesn’t feel so good.

When you’re familiar with your body, then comfort and confidence will follow. Vocalizing what brings you pleasure will come naturally and you’ll be able to set boundaries prior to sex because you know what you like and don’t like.

Don’t think of masturbation as something that’s taboo, it is actually very healthy and offers a lot of benefits.

In your case, masturbation can help you get more out of your sex life because you can pin your pleasure points and build your self-confidence. [Read: How to masturbate – 30 solo orgasm & female masturbation secrets for girls]

3. Don’t rush to penetration

For first-time sex havers, a common mistake is rushing straight to penetration. Of course, that’s all the media shows, so how else would you know?

Well, we’re here to tell you: foreplay is essential for sex, no matter how far along you are in your sexual journey.

Our bodies need plenty of time to “warm up” to the idea of penetration, so don’t rush into it. Spend time touching, licking, kissing, and exploring each other’s bodies in any way that feels right. Listen to your body and take it slow.

Foreplay is fun, it’s sexy, it brings you closer to your partner, and it lowers the risk of penetration being painful. [Read: Sexual foreplay – 26 lusty secrets to do it well & make them hot & horny]

4. Always use lube

Like foreplay, lube is pretty much required for any kind of sexual encounter. Yes, women produce lubricant naturally, but the truth is it will almost never be enough. This is especially true if you’re feeling the nerves of first-time sex on your wedding night.

There is no shame in using lube. In fact, it’s completely normal and expected. It will make sex less painful and much, much more pleasurable for you and your partner.

5. Choose a simple, comfortable position

A key part of what makes sex feel good is the position you’re in. If this is your first time, you’ll want to choose a comfortable and easy-going position to make first-time sex feel the best for you.

The missionary position and the spooning position are great for their simplicity and pleasure. Try positions with your partner and stick with one or two that feel best for you. [Read: The best sex positions for beginners to instantly feel like a pro!]

6. Let go of unrealistic expectations

Let’s be honest, the media can set some pretty unrealistic expectations for sex. If you’re going into wedding night sex as a virgin with any expectations of crazy orgasms or hours and hours of sex, let those thoughts go. In reality, these expectations only set you up for disappointment.

This is new terrain for you and your partner, so it’s going to be weird and it’s going to feel awkward. What matters is you’re enjoying each other’s company and strengthening your bond.

Unrealistic sexual expectations only put pressure on both of you and take away from your magical night.

How to make wedding night sex unforgettable

This is your wedding night. While your expectations shouldn’t be set for having multiple orgasms on a bed of rose petals, you shouldn’t prepare for a lackluster experience either.

Whether you’re well-versed in the art of lovemaking or you’re new to the game, here is how to make the most of wedding night sex.

1. Low pressure means good results

Even if you’ve had sex a hundred times, by the time you get to the wedding night, you may still get butterflies. This is the first time you’re having sex as a married couple.

One of the biggest tips you should remember is not to put too much pressure on the evening. Set your expectations low for the sex portion of the evening. That way, you’ll be thrilled if you have it, but you won’t be disappointed if you’re both too exhausted to share a goodnight kiss.

Wedding night sex doesn’t have to complete some kind of checklist. There doesn’t have to be a room full of heart-shaped balloons, you don’t have to have candles burning, and you don’t have to wear white lingerie or carry your new spouse over the threshold.

All of these things would make the night more special—sure! But the most important thing is that you’re starting your new life together. [Read: Passionate lovemaking – 23 secrets & ways to make sex lustful & steamy]

2. Don’t get drunk

If you’re really looking forward to the best wedding night sex you can have, then the best advice you can live by is to limit your alcohol intake during the reception.

Alcohol’s negative effects on sex can leave you with a limp whiskey dick or a desert-dry vagina. Both of these things, especially combined, do not make for a romantic romp in the sack.

Another un-fun bit of boozy truth? Alcohol can dull or impair your orgasm. That’s right, you may be able to get it in the hole, but that doesn’t mean either of you is ever going to finish from it. Just some key reasons why you may not want to get wasted before your wedding night sex.

3. Do it earlier in the day

Whether you are a virgin or not, getting it on right after your vows may be more ideal than waiting until after your reception. If you have your ceremony at noon, you could be back in bed by 2 p.m. easily.

This allows you a moment of privacy to wind down after your emotional exchanging of vows. Not to mention, you can get it on. This also means you can get a decent buzz on at your reception without worrying about your later performance in the bedroom. Win/win! [Read: 19 foreplay sex games for couples to get naughty and horny in minutes]

4. Bring the essentials

Just because you’re staying at a hotel doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bring your sex essentials with you. You’ll have a lot of emotions going on, and that’s normal.

But bringing your favorite toys can offer a sense of similarity and help ease any nerves. If you guys use toys, a specific kind of lube, handcuffs, or other sexual aids, be sure to plan ahead and bring your naughty picnic basket with you.

5. Prep beforehand

If you want steamy romantic sex with your newly beloved, then you have to plan for it. That means no getting wasted, no fighting, and no staying up until all hours of the morning just to accomplish the deed.

Or if there is a certain atmosphere you want to have sex in, plan it ahead of time. Although sex is usually spontaneous, you should still plan beforehand if there is anything you want to have.

Rose petals? Candles? A soft blanket? Put your toys and favorite lube on the side table before heading out for the big day. It will make your life a lot simpler to just get back and get down to it!

6. Remember, this is a special event

This isn’t a contest to see who can cross the finish line first. It’s your wedding night sex! Nosy friends old and new will all be asking what the sex was like on your wedding night.

Don’t be the person who responds: “Even worse than I thought.”

Even if you’ve been having sex for years, you shouldn’t discount your wedding night sex as just another ride on the merry-go-round. Make this night special. Take your time exploring one another and pleasing one another as a married couple. This experience should set up your sexual encounters for years to come, so make it a good one.

7. Accept that it may not happen

Wedding night sex is never what you think it’s going to be. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing, it doesn’t have to be awkward, and in fact… it doesn’t have to happen at all.

So don’t worry about it. After all, you’re married now! You have plenty of time for sheet-soaking sex tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that…

What to do if you feel disappointed after wedding night sex

Honestly, weddings can be an emotional roller coaster. Hosting guests for hours alone can be exhausting. You never know how you’ll be feeling by the end of the night. Maybe you’ll be stressed and tired, or maybe you’ll want to keep drinking and dancing on the dance floor.

The truth is, things don’t always go as planned and you may not have wedding night sex. Whether it’s you who isn’t up for it, your partner, or both of you, it’s important to communicate your feelings with as much empathy and respectfulness as possible.

As you know by now, there is a lot of emphasis on having wedding night sex, so it’s completely normal if you are disappointed that you did not have it. But don’t let one hiccup ruin your big day. You got married, after all!

Reflect on the good parts of the day and dream about the future together. Start this new life together without any expectations but to love and cherish one another wholly. [Read: 20 reasons to get married and live happily ever after]

What to do on your wedding night without sex

Whether the alcohol is preventing you from getting it on, or you’re both just too exhausted, fear not. There are dozens of things you could be doing on your wedding night that don’t have anything to do with sex.

Don’t put too much pressure on the whole night. After all, you have the rest of your lives to get it on, but you only have one wedding night. So, here’s a list of things you might be doing on your wedding night instead.

1. Ordering takeout

You made sure you had the biggest, wildest buffet dinner at your wedding, complete with baby shrimp and five different kinds of pasta.

But why are you starving at the post-reception party? The truth is you’ll likely be too stressed or too busy talking to guests to actually enjoy any of it.

Stress, alcohol, and booty-shaking on the dance floor may all contribute to your grumbling stomach at the end of the night. Instead of making sweet married love in your fancy hotel room, you may just find yourself sneaking in a large pizza! [Read: 40 most romantic songs for your wedding dance]

2. Budgeting

Doesn’t exactly sound romantic, does it? Unfortunately, you may find yourself working out the budget of your “Best Day Ever,” even into the wee hours of the night. Paying off your reception bills such as booze, photography, and food are all important factors in keeping your finances straight.

But hey, this is your wedding night! Make sure you guys get a little snuggle time in there somewhere too. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]

3. Opening cards and presents

If you’re a curious couple, you may let those cards and presents get the better of you. Those who took the card box or a few select gifts back to the hotel with them may just find, instead of testing their love-making skills, they’re opening cards, separating money, and making lists of all their lovely presents.

Don’t confuse things, this is absolutely a fun and exciting part of the race back home. Seeing who left you what and which friend or relative left their patently hilarious comment in your congratulatory card can be great fun *when mixed with a little champagne*.

J don’t let your champagne buzz make you forget to take notes on who gave you what, otherwise this can turn Thank-You cards into a nightmare! [Read: 30 really sweet & romantic ideas for couples to feel loved & connected 24/7]

4. Looking at pictures

If you’re the type of couple who pulls out their phones every free minute they have, the truth is you may be more inclined to check your Instagram wedding hashtag to see what drunken Uncle Jack posted rather than jumping between the bedsheets.

Jokes aside, checking out your wedding photos can be a fun and touching experience, but you may want to wait until the night isn’t still fresh in your mind, or at least until the next morning, to start reliving it.

5. Watching TV

After your hectic night, you may just unwind with a little TV, or watch shows on your laptop or tablet. This may sound like the epitome of romance going out the window but don’t underestimate how zonked you’ll be by the end of the night.

Chilling out with a little background noise may be exactly what you need after your big day. [Read: 69 best & most romantic movies that are a must-watch in 2023]

6. Making arrangements for your honeymoon

If you have a quick plane to catch the next morning for your honeymoon, you might just end up spending the night packing up last-minute belongings and vehemently checking your emails for travel confirmations and booking arrangements. [Read: Fun honeymoon ideas & destinations to create romantic memories for life]

7. Passing out or sobering up

Getting a fun buzz can amplify the reception experience for some, but getting black-out drunk on the day you committed your life to your partner is definitely not a memory-maker.

Regardless, you may just find yourself passing out on your fancy hotel bed before you ever get the chance to unbuckle your belt.

8. Exploring your gigantic shower

Much of the time in your new, fancy hotel room may actually be spent exploring before you hit the hay. Fancy, modern hotels offer a wide variety of gadgets and amenities that get some hotel-goers excited.[Read: 50 kinky ideas to try out in the honeymoon suite]

Oversized, all-glass showers, in-room Jacuzzi’s, futuristic doors, and fancy fridge food may all hold your attention longer than a little bit of nookie will. After all, when’s the next time you’ll get to bathe in a 10-man shower? If you’re smart, you’ll wrap the showering and the naughty fun up into one big bow.

9. Going home

The truth is, some people can’t afford to get a big hotel room at the end of their already expensive wedding. Furthermore, some couples will already be living together and may already have children by the time they get married.

If this is your case, you may be more concerned about getting home to your kids, instead of spending the night away from them. Whether you can’t afford it, or couldn’t find a babysitter for the night, you may find the less romantic option of heading home the most appealing.

10. Just talking

This is one of the most ideal options if you’re forgoing the sex for the evening. Odds are the day has been long and a lot has happened, especially if you followed tradition and didn’t see each other the night before.

This is a great opportunity for new spouses to catch up and swap stories. This is also a great chance to talk about all of the things you feel and treasure now that you are married. [Read: 50 best relationship topics and things to talk about in a relationship]

Really, don’t get hung up on what wedding night sex should be. You can spend the night following your nuptials ravaging each other in orgasmic bliss. Or, you can spend the night eating Cheetos and watching Seinfeld reruns.

The choice is yours, and there is no wrong one so long as you’re doing it together.

[Read: How to elope with your lover and have your perfect fairytale wedding]

Your wedding night is what you make it to be, so ditch the unrealistic expectation surrounding marriage night sex. Because sex or not, it is a magical and intimate experience that brings you and your newlywed closer together.

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