Are We Official? 7 Clear Ways to Tell If You’re Really in a Relationship

So, you’ve been dating someone new and things are going really well. The conversations are flowing, the chemistry is undeniable, and every date leaves you smiling.

But now comes the million-dollar question: Are we in a relationship? Is this exclusive… or just casual dating with extra cuddles?

Let’s be real—this question can drive anyone nuts. But the truth? Figuring out your relationship status isn’t as hard as it feels—if you know how to approach it.

Why Defining the Relationship Matters

Some people think putting a “label” on things ruins the magic. In reality, it does the opposite—it gives you clarity, direction, and security.

Knowing exactly where you stand:

Stops you from guessing how to act.
Helps you present each other to the world confidently.
Sets the tone for the future—whether that means meeting the parents or keeping things private.

Bottom line: having “the talk” can guide your next steps together.

Why We Avoid Asking the Question

If you’re reading this, chances are you don’t want to blurt out “So… what are we?” out of nowhere. You might worry about:

Appearing too eager.
Getting an answer you don’t want.
Pushing them away by “rushing things.”

But here’s the thing—avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect you. In fact, it can keep you stuck in uncertainty far too long, which leads to frustration and even heartbreak later.

How to Figure Out If You’re in a Relationship

Yes, it can be nerve-wracking, but having an honest, face-to-face talk is the only way to know for sure. And there are better ways to handle it.

1. Have the Conversation In Person

This isn’t a text, DMs, or quick call type of chat. You want to see each other’s facial expressions, hear the tone, and avoid misunderstandings. Choosing an in-person talk increases your chances of having a productive, positive discussion.
[Read: How to have the “what are we” convo like a pro]

2. Be Clear About What You Want

Don’t drop the “So…?” bomb without context. Lead in with your feelings so they know where you stand:

“I love spending time with you, and I feel like we’re really great together. I’d like to define what we are moving forward.”

This avoids confusion and leaves no guessing about your intentions.

3. Give Them Time to Think (But Not Forever)

Maybe they haven’t given labels much thought. That’s fine—give them a few days to process. But more than a week? That’s usually dodging the question. If they stall too long, that’s a sign in itself.
[Read: How to have the DTR—Define The Relationship—chat easily]

4. Pick the Right Moment

Timing is everything. No one wants to be ambushed with the “are we official?” talk in the middle of a Netflix binge or during a bad day at work. Bring it up when you’re both relaxed and in a good headspace.

5. Define What “Relationship” Means to You

Once they say “yes, we’re together,” what does that actually mean? Exclusivity? Meeting each other’s families? Posting couple pics on Instagram? Make sure you’re both aligned so your “relationship” means the same thing.

6. Watch for Red Flags

Sometimes, your answer is in their actions:

They only call late at night.
They avoid meeting your friends.
They disappear for days without explanation.

These behaviors can signal they’re not looking for something committed—regardless of what they say.

7. Don’t Settle for Less Than You Want

If you’re looking for a committed relationship but they only want something casual, compromising here isn’t “being mature”—it’s setting yourself up for frustration. Know your worth, and don’t drop your standards for someone who can’t meet them.