36 Questions to Fall in Love: The Science-Backed Method for Building Closeness

Ever wondered if there’s a simple, scientifically proven way to spark genuine intimacy with someone new? The answer lies in the famous 36 questions to fall in love. These questions, developed through psychological research, have helped countless people create deep connections quickly—whether on a first date, with a stranger, or even in long-term relationships. Read on to discover the full list of the 36 questions and how you can use them to build trust, vulnerability, and possibly even love.

Understanding the Origins of the 36 Questions

The 36 questions to fall in love originate from a groundbreaking 1997 study by psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron titled “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness”. Their research demonstrated that **carefully curated questions** could accelerate feelings of intimacy between strangers. Arthur Aron, inspired by his own falling-in-love experience, designed these questions to foster vulnerability and connection over time.

How the 36 Questions Promote Closeness

The questions progress through three levels of depth, encouraging participants to share increasingly personal thoughts and feelings. This structured vulnerability helps break down emotional barriers, leading to a genuine bond. Popularized by Mandy Len Catron in a viral New York Times Modern Love column, couples and friends alike have used this method to deepen their relationships effortlessly.

The Full List of 36 Questions to Fall in Love

Set 1: Light and Playful (Beginner Level)

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about how you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2: Deeper Connections

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something positive about your partner. Share five items.
How close and warm is your family? Did your childhood bring you happiness?
Do you feel your relationship with your mother is healthy?

Set 3: Vulnerability and Intimacy

Make three true “we” statements each, e.g., “We are both feeling…”
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
If you were to become close friends with your partner, what would be important for them to know?
Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest.
Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
When did you last cry in front of someone or alone?
Tell your partner something you already like about them.
What topics are too serious to joke about?
If you were to die tonight with no chance to communicate, what would you most regret not having told someone?
You find yourself in a house fire, with time to save one item after loved ones and pets. What would it be and why?
Whose death in your family would be most upsetting? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask your partner for advice, reflecting on how you’re feeling about it.

Tips for Using the 36 Questions Effectively

To maximize the bonding potential, follow these tips:

Set a comfortable environment: Choose a relaxed space without distractions.
Take turns: Each person should ask and answer questions equally.
Practice active listening: Show genuine interest and empathy.
Establish eye contact: Follow the final stage of the exercise with four minutes of sustained eye contact for heightened intimacy.
Be patient: Respect boundaries; some questions may evoke strong emotions.

Common Uses for the 36 Questions

The questions are versatile and can be used in many contexts:

First dates: Accelerate connection from initial small talk to meaningful conversation.
Rekindling relationships: Break emotional barriers in long-term partnerships.
Therapeutic settings: Help couples or individuals open up and build trust.
Friendship building: Turn acquaintances into real friends through vulnerability.

Expert Insights and Evidence

Studies, including Aron’s own research and ongoing experiments documented by UC Berkeley’s Love Lab, confirm that these questions facilitate emotional openness. Some participants report crying, deep reflection, and feeling profoundly connected after the exercise.

FAQs about the 36 Questions to Fall in Love

Can these questions make strangers fall in love?

While not a guaranteed love potion, research shows that these questions significantly increase feelings of closeness and intimacy, making them a powerful dating and bonding tool.

Are the 36 questions suitable for long-term partners?

Absolutely. They help rekindle emotional intimacy and foster vulnerability, strengthening existing relationships.

How long does the exercise take?

Typically around 45 minutes, including the four minutes of eye contact after the questions.

Can I use the questions without a partner?

Yes, they can be adapted for self-reflection or with friends to build trust and understanding.

Are there variations for different contexts?

Certainly. You can tailor questions to suit casual, romantic, or therapeutic settings to suit your goals.

Conclusion: Turn Conversations Into Connections

The 36 questions to fall in love are more than just a conversation starter—they’re a tool to deepen trust, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy. Whether you’re seeking to spark romance, strengthen a partnership, or simply connect at a deeper level, these questions provide a scientifically-backed pathway to meaningful connection.

Next time you meet someone new or want to breathe new life into an existing relationship, give this method a try. Remember: genuine connection often starts with honest questions and attentive listening.

Interested in more relationship tips? Check out our expert strategies for a lasting relationship or explore dating tips for singles.

Actionable Takeaways

Use the full list of 36 questions in a relaxed setting.
Alternate asking questions to ensure balanced sharing.
Maintain eye contact during the final four minutes for increased intimacy.
Be patient and respectful of emotional boundaries.
Apply the method not only for dating but also to enhance friendships and family connections.